


Masked Behind Smoke and Mirrors

by LightningMcMiche



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Baekhyun's awkward but a sweetheart, Character with DID, Culinary Genius!Soo, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Jongdae needs to be protected, M/M, Misconceptions, Music Producing Genius!Chanyeol, Panic Attacks, Physics Majors!Baekchen, Secrets, Slow Romance, Some fluff too, Swearing, mentioned past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 02:23:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19898317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightningMcMiche/pseuds/LightningMcMiche
Summary: Technically, Jongdae never really did tell Baekhyun that he had a twin.Baekhyun really is an idiot.





	Masked Behind Smoke and Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> It's been a while. I've been busy with life, and uni is starting literally tomorrow, so that's a whole thing. But this was on my mind, and I absolutely needed to get it down. 
> 
> Dissociative Identity Disorder is something I've seen in a lot of literature and it's not always fair how it's portrayed or understood, and even though I don't face this personally, it hurts me to see it. And by no means am I an expert, but I've tried to learn about it as much as I could, especially for this fic and I hope I've done justice to show it in a positive light and bring about awareness that I think is important. I don't mean to offend anyone with anything I've done in this fic, and if there is anything about this that needs to be corrected, please let me know.
> 
> I have all the love for people with this disorder and I want them all to know that they aren't alone, and whilst there are many people who don't understand, there are those who want to too. If there is someone with this, please feel free to leave me a message! I would love to talk and get to know you and your experiences with the disorder!
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Miche xx
> 
> P.S. Shout-out to YourFavouriteHue for tolerating my pestering and helping me pick out a title out of all of the terrible choices I may or may not have been coming up with on purpose! You're a gold star, truly xx

Baekhyun’s late. 

First of all, he probably shouldn’t have stayed up playing that last level last night, but he couldn’t exactly just leave it incomplete; it would’ve just bothered him until he had. 

But he should’ve known he’d forget to set an alarm for the next morning. He  _ really _ would’ve been late if Chanyeol hadn’t realised he couldn’t hear Baekhyun’s bathroom singing as he made their coffee.

Although maybe he would’ve appreciated it if Chanyeol had realised a tad sooner.

He feels like a criminal as he sneaks into the massive seminar hall from the back, over ten minutes late. To the first lecture of this class of this year. The professor isn’t even aware of him, about ten rows down, but a few of the other students turned and give him a dirty look for his sloppy get-up. Honestly, he isn’t even sure why they are judging him when they all look just as dead inside. He spots an empty seat maybe three rows down from where he stands, and tries to sneak as covertly as possible to it. 

He heaves a relieved sigh as soon as his ass hits the seat, but it freaks the hell out of the guy sitting next to him. Baekhyun wants to snicker, but the sound dies in his throat the second the guy meets his eyes with a bewildered look. 

Baekhyun...has never seen this guy before. 

Not to be cliche or cringey, but he would have definitely remembered a face like that. Caramel hair fringing over his forehead, wide eyes in surprise, a sharp as hell jaw line with equally cutting cheekbones, pretty lips curved in a twist?

Yeah,  _ definitely _ far from forgettable.

“Sorry,” Baekhyun smiles apologetically, and it seems to snap the guy out of whatever trance he is in. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s - alright?” The other sucks in a light breath, blinking once and straightening. “I just didn’t expect you to sit down...here.”

“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind?” Baekhyun belated realises he probably shouldn’t have taken a seat in cute guy’s area without at least asking once. 

“It’s fine,” The other’s eyes crinkle up in the corners as a breathtaking grin appears. “I don’t think anyone will appreciate if you make anymore noise.”

At the unexpected diss, Baekhyun’s eyebrows rise, but a grin climbs on his face too, “Are you kidding me? They’ve got nothing on these ninja skills, please.”

“You’re ridiculous,” But the smile on his face is joking, and the guy offers his hand in a handshake, “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Kim Jongdae.”

“Ridiculously hilarious, you mean,” Baekhyun sniffs jokingly, but then takes his hand in his. “Byun Baekhyun, at your service.” 

Jongdae gives him another little smile as he takes his hand back, and Baekhyun is left trying to catch his breath at the way the other’s lips seem to form the cutest of curls at the ends. 

The other turns back to his notebook, and Baekhyun blinks.

Right. Class.

“So what did I miss?” Baekhyun whispers, reaching into his bag for his notebook. Jongdae shakes his head, “Not much, really? He was just kinda going over what we’ll be doing this year and other stuff?”

“Well shit,” Baekhyun sighs. You never wanted to miss that, because it always gave an indication of how much he was going to have to work for this particular class.

“Don’t worry,” Jongdae shakes his head again. “Did you take the Circuit Theory class last year? It’s basically exactly like that.” Baekhyun nods. He had taken that class, in fact, it was the first credit course he’d signed up for last year. 

“Wait, you were in that class?” Baekhyun raises his eyebrows. 

“I was in the second term batch,” Jongdae tilts his head. “You?”

“First,” Baekhyun makes a face. That’s probably why Baekhyun hadn’t seen Jongdae around before. If they’d elected for the same courses at different times, they would’ve easily missed one another. 

...Not that it mattered, of course.

“That would make sense,” Jongdae chuckles and then turns back to their professor, something Baekhyun really should be doing. Quantum physics wasn’t going to learn itself.

By the time the class is over, nearly three hours later, Baekhyun is more than ready to get some food in his system. He stands up, stretching out his legs, just as Jongdae packs his own bag. But before Baekhyun can say a word, Jongdae stands too, sending him a small smile, “I’ll see you around, Baekhyun. It was nice meeting you.”

“You too, bye,” Baekhyun replies mechanically, only to realise it was too late to ask Jongdae to join him for lunch by the time the other is gone. 

_ Well _ , Baekhyun tries to think positively,  _ there’s always going to be more opportunities. Hopefully. _

He drags himself back to his dorm, hoping to bother Chanyeol into cooking something for him. As far as he’s aware, Chanyeol doesn’t even have a class today, so hopefully, he’ll be home. 

“Chanyeol?” He calls into the dorm as he steps into the corridor leading to their living room. Each dorm has a small living room, with a mini-kitchen, with two doors leading off into bedrooms, and another door leading to the single bathroom in the dorm. “You home?”

“Baek! In the kitchen!”

There’s already the scent of ramyeon floating through the house that only hits him further in the corridor, and he practically runs to the kitchen. Chanyeol is stood at the stove, a big pot of ramyeon cooking. 

Baekhyun feels himself drooling and quickly sets about getting the table ready. 

“How was class?” Chanyeol snickers. “You must be really hungry.”

“Shut up, you know I am,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “And class was good - I met a classmate.”

“Yeah?” Chanyeol put his chopsticks down, turning around to face Baekhyun. He eyes him and Baekhyun’s grin, before continuing with a teasing grin. “And was this classmate cute? Your face is being weird.”

“Shut up, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun refuses to meet Chanyeol’s eyes. 

“He was, wasn’t he?” God, he can practically hear the grin on the other’s face. “Tell me all about him!”

After another five minutes of bickering and Chanyeol threatening not to feed him, Baekhyun relents and tells him about Jongdae. Okay, and maybe Baekhyun wanted to talk about his newfound attraction to his classmate.

But nearly two weeks later, Baekhyun’s starting to think it was a bad idea to tell Chanyeol about it. Considering the other does nothing but tease his inability to ask Jongdae to join him even just for a  _ friendly _ outing, Chanyeol’s being a spectacular pain. Especially since he’s also being a hypocrite; Chanyeol can’t seem to even  _ talk  _ to that one particular culinary arts student he sees every morning when he walks to the music department of the Arts building and has had a crush on since nearly second term last year.

Baekhyun’s close to giving up on asking Jongdae. It’s stressing him out, and he keeps getting distracted by the other in class - he’s learned that Jongdae is extremely smart (a painfully attractive quality) and he’s fun to be around, able to keep up with Baekhyun’s wit and humour. It does nothing to alleviate Baekhyun’s heart of the pacing and swooning, but even Baekhyun knows he’s being ridiculous. He’s only known Jongdae for six classes now, and maybe friends is how he should be approaching this situation first.

He’d be in a better position than Chanyeol then, at least.

Baekhyun likes to think they’re getting there. On the rare occasions that Baekhyun is the first of them to reach class (a whole two times yet), Jongdae always takes his seat next to him. That has to count for something, right?

“Baek,” Chanyeol’s standing in the doorway to Baekhyun’s room. Baekhyun’s on his bed, textbook laid out in front of him, trying to work on his assignment. “Don’t mope. Give it time - I just really think you two need to meet outside the classroom setting.”

“Yeah well, it’s not like I’m just gonna randomly meet him at the convenience store down the street, am I? I don’t exactly live in those rom-coms you love watching so much.” Baekhyun retorts sarcastically, only to flop back onto his pillow with a groan, frustrated. 

“Here, I was invited to a party down at one of the frats on friday -” And at Baekhyun’s glare, Chanyeol rolls his eyes and pushes forward, “I know you’d much rather spend time here playing video games like the loser you are, but it’s the first party and everyone will be going. You might meet Jongdae there. Have a drink or two, relax and have some fun.”

It’s tempting, Baekhyun has to admit. There’s a chance he’ll meet Jongdae, and he doesn’t think he wants to miss that. 

“Alright - ” The rest of Baekhyun’s sentence is drowned out by Chanyeol’s excited cheering. 

* * *

Baekhyun finds himself cradling a beer in his hand as he leans against the wall. Chanyeol’s ditched him again, but he’s not surprised. This is why he hates coming to these things; Chanyeol disappears off with his coursemates and Baekhyun’s all for being the star on the dance floor, but he’d really rather just be a video-game star. 

He looks around the overcrowded room, not spotting the specific person he was looking for and decides he’ll finish this beer and then head back to his dorm. The night’s still young, it’s only eleven - he can still get in some hours of gaming.

He spots Junmyeon across the room, and the other waves. Junmyeon is majoring in business, and he was one of the first people he met when Baekhyun first joined, showing him around campus. 

Five minutes later, and polishing off his beer, Baekhyun goes to thrown away the bottle, only to go crashing into a figure the second he turns. Baekhyun stumbles back, but the other person grabs his arm in an effort to keep him steady and asks, “Are you okay?”

The voice is familiar, and he looks up to find himself looking into Jongdae’s eyes. He looks different though, eyes lined with makeup, hair ruffled and decked out in leather clothing. It’s attractive -  _ too _ attractive. 

“Uh, hi,” His voice comes out more strangled than he hoped. But the other’s grin turns sharp as he winks, and his voice is deeper than Baekhyun remembers, but it could just be the alcohol in his system, “Hi, I’m Chen.”

Wait.  _ What - _

“What?” Baekhyun blinks. “What do you mean?”

“My name’s Chen?” Jongdae tilts his head cutely, but he still looks hot as he raises a single eyebrow. “And you are?”

“ _ Baekhyun _ , Jongdae?” Is Jongdae serious right now? “I’m literally in your Physics class. We sit together every class?”

“Ah,” There’s a dangerous smirk that climbs on Jongdae’s face, almost misplaced. Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s ever seen the other with that expression on his face - it’s jarring, but it’s still, as attractive as everything else Baekhyun likes about Jongdae. “You’re talking about  _ Jongdae _ . I’m Chen. We’re different people.” 

“What the fuck?” Baekhyun’s confused now, wondering if this is some elaborate prank on him. 

“Jongdae’s told me about you,” ‘Chen’ grins. “He thinks you’re cute, and I agree. It’s funny, because he’s usually tight-lipped about these things. In fact, he only told me about you after the third class.”

Baekhyun’s having some difficulty processing things, even if he’s reeling at the information. Who is this guy then, if not Jongdae? Who is  _ Chen? _ “I don’t understand - who are you?” 

“Chen!” A voice calls from a few steps away, and a shorter figure appears. Baekhyun’s never seen him around either, heart shaped lips, sharp eyes, styled black hair. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you - come on, we have to go. Jongdae needs to get some rest for work tomorrow, and you know he’s waiting for us to get back to the dorm.”

The other boy finally meets Baekhyun’s eyes, and sends him an apologetic smile, “Sorry, I have to take Chen away now. My roommate needs to sleep early tonight, and he’s waiting for me.”

“That’s fine,” Baekhyun shakes his head. 

It’s only after they leave that it sinks in that the boy had said that Jongdae was waiting for him. 

So Chen and Jongdae  _ are _ two different people - identical twins, then? That’s the only explanation Baekhyun could think of.

But what Baekhyun didn’t understand was why didn’t Jongdae tell him earlier.

* * *

It’s the first thing Baekhyun asks him the next Wednesday. First of all, Baekhyun’s a nosy shit. It’s been on his mind all weekend, but he’s had no source of information. Neither Jongdae, or Chen, it seems have a social media account for him to stalk, and Chanyeol doesn’t know anything about this Chen either, since he doesn’t know what Jongdae looks like.

“You didn’t tell me you had a twin?” Baekhyun asks him, a few minutes before class starts. He’s arrived early today, his curiosity unquenchable, and barely gives Jongdae a few seconds to sit down and relax. Maybe he should have had more tact - but in his defense, Jongdae’s never mentioned this before.

Jongdae chokes on air, caught off guard, and falls into a coughing fit. Baekhyun pats his back in concern, and when Jongdae straightens, he’s looking at Baekhyun with a strange intensity before he looks away and swallows, “Well, to be fair, it never really came up?”

“I was supposed to ask if you had a twin?” Baekhyun feels a bit ridiculous.

“No,” Jongdae’s grinning slightly. “But I mean, I don’t know if you have any siblings either.”

“That’s because I  _ don’t _ ,” Baekhyun emphasises. But at least now he knows it’s real. 

“I just don’t go around announcing it to the world, Baek,” Jongdae smiles softly, and Baekhyun falls silent. “It’s not that much of a big deal.”

“Alright, fine,” Baekhyun pouts. 

Jongdae hits him lightly on the shoulder, “Chen and Kyungsoo told me they met you yesterday though. Chen likes you.”

“He told me you think I’m cute,” Baekhyun retorts with a teasing grin. Jongdae’s cheeks flame, “He -  _ oh, I am going to kill him _ .” Ignoring Baekhyun’s laughing, Jongdae shrugs faux-casually, “Whatever, I mean, he’s not wrong.”

Baekhyun falls silent, feeling his cheeks light on fire now too, “Uh, I - thank you.”

“No problem,” Jongdae’s still not meeting his eyes, and Baekhyun changes the topic, “Uh - he looks exactly like you, man. Like, you guys are identical twins, right?” Without waiting for Jongdae’s response, he pushes on, “I was so surprised to see him. I actually thought you were playing a prank on me. It was only when your roommate showed up - what was his name? Kyungsoo? - when he showed up, did I believe that Chen was telling the truth.”

“Yeah, I have no doubt,” Jongdae sighed. Baekhyun chuckled, “So you and Kyungsoo are dorm-mates. So does Chen have a separate dorm?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Jongdae shrugs awkwardly. Baekhyun still thinks he’s cute. Everything Jongdae does is adorable. “But he’s at our dorm most of the time anyway. He and Kyungsoo have classes in the same building since he’s a photography major and Kyungsoo’s a culinary major, so it’s convenient.”

“Makes sense,” Baekhyun nods, and then doesn’t push it. It’s not a big deal, other than the fact that it is cool. “I’m still really shook by how identical you guys are though, no kidding.”

“Yeah well, we don’t really have much of a choice,” Jongdae gives him a small begrudging smile, but since he looks a little uncomfortable, Baekhyun drops it. 

“So,” He changes the topic. “What’s your opinion on quantum optics?”

The grin that blossoms on Jongdae’s face is liberating, and maybe Baekhyun’s entirely distracted throughout Jongdae’s exaggerated rambling about it’s advantages. So sue him.

It’s been a few weeks since he’s met Jongdae, and as he’s gotten to know him better, he feels his heart stutter every time he sees the corners of his eyes crinkle in a smile, every time that absolutely ugly cackle rises out of him (rarely, because Baekhyun has to actually work for this one - all of Jongdae’s laughter is usually a soft chuckle - and when he laughs completely unrestrained, Baekhyun knows he’s doing something right).

“ - So, yeah, anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe grab a coffee? If you’re free?” Jongdae’s voice filters through his ears finally tuning in over Baekhyun’s, retrospectively obvious, staring. And when the question finally registers, Baekhyun chokes on practically nothing but air, “What...?”

Was he  _ hearing  _ things? Are his ears playing tricks on him? Is this really happening?

Jongdae’s not really meeting his eyes, but that could be because he’s packing his bags. But there’s also a tightness in his shoulders that gives away his nervousness and...is it because this is the first time they would go somewhere together after class? Why - ?

“You don’t have to if you don’t,” Jongdae then spiels after Baekhyun’s silence. He turns to him, eyes wide, and hands gesturing as he suddenly begins rambling, “I mean...just that, I’m sorta sleepy and could use a coffee and well, we’ve never hung out after class even though we’re...friends?”

He looks uncertain and Baekhyun’s heart breaks in possibly ten different ways. He feels like hitting himself for letting Jongdae feel insecure like this (and Baekhyun’s well aware of how gone he sounds for the other, thank you). So he nods at him in reassurance immediately, “Yeah, of course. I mean, I was just surprised. Let’s go hit up some coffee.”

Jongdae’s relief is in the lowering of his shoulders as a gorgeous smile reappears on his face, “Great.”

Their walk to the nearest Starbucks is far from quiet. Baekhyun’s loud by nature, and even when Jongdae falls silent, he fills in the gaps for him, talking about his home, how much he wants to travel to Tenerife one day in hopes of a relaxing vacation that his broke ass can’t afford, and how much he loves video games. At the table, Jongdae watches him over the rim of his drink, smile curved as Baekhyun’s eyes light up with joy as he narrates the story of Chanyeol falling over as he left the bathroom this morning. 

It’s over time, and as Chanyeol had rightly pointed out,  _ outside _ of class that Baekhyun gets closer to Jongdae as a person. Jongdae was never exactly unfriendly - far from, if anything - but he was reserved and more importantly, always focused on the lesson when in class. He didn’t even really text Baekhyun much. But ever since they’d started hanging out outside classes, whether to study or grab snacks or dinner (strictly  _ not _ dates, Chanyeol), Jongdae had opened up. 

Baekhyun had learned Jongdae loved to sing, and had a beautiful voice to go along with it (and when he’d told him this, the most delightful blush had dusted across his cheeks). He learned Jongdae was a homebody too (partying was one hundred percent Chen’s scene more than his). They spent hours watching, bickering and crying over disney movies together in Baekhyun’s dorm after Baekhyun made sure to kick Chanyeol out when they were just absolutely  _ done _ with classwork and assignments. He has a mischievous side, Baekhyun realised when Jongdae had stolen Baekhyun’s  _ favourite  _ sweatshirt on their fifth movie night and claimed that it was his now. Baekhyun hadn’t even been able to argue then, but his chest aches with how attracted he realises he is to the other. 

Jongdae’s a kind soul, far kinder than many people Baekhyun’s met in his entire life, and as he spends more and more time with him, he realises that he deserves all the protection in the world. He mothers Baekhyun too, reminding him to eat when he gets too caught up in work, reminds him to wear his coat or something warm when he’s due home late. He sends him adorable cat videos in the morning with a complementary good morning text that Baekhyun can’t believe he was lucky enough to receive because Jongdae started this trend one morning out of the blue and Baekhyun doesn’t even  _ care _ that he’s more of a dog person (and fuck it, who doesn’t like cat videos?), because in the end-all, Jongdae is absolutely  _ precious _ .

If Baekhyun thought he had it bad as soon as he met Jongdae, he was pretty much jumping off the deep end now. That infatuation had grown into an actual crush and he was drowning in it, Jongdae constantly on his mind, much to Chanyeol’s permanent glee.

Baekhyun’s waiting for said asshole outside the arts building then, having promised to check out the new ribs place in town after Chanyeol’s class. And so he sits on a bench under the shade, in view of the entrance of the building as the time for Chanyeol’s exit arrives. 

Instead, he finds two other familiar faces make their way out first, and before he can even say a word, it’s Jongdae’s look-alike that raises a hand in greeting, “Baekhyun!”

Baekhyun had met Kyungsoo again after that one time at the party too, and whilst Baekhyun had always thought of the other as fairly uptight, he knew he was a good person. He cared a lot about Jongdae, regularly checking in on him during their movie nights, and if anything, Kyungsoo was even more mothering than Jongdae. It made sense that the two were best friends.

And Baekhyun had tried some of his cooking when Jongdae had brought it over to Baekhyun’s dorm, and he could see why the other was a culinary major. He beat out Chanyeol’s cooking, and Baekhyun had thought Chanyeol’s cooking deserved an award.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had something of a fairly genial relationship, Jongdae being their common link, and so when the two approach, Kyungsoo sends him a polite nod. 

“Baekhyun,” Chen’s voice is confident, that smirk embedded on his face. Baekhyun’s only met Chen once since the party, never really hanging out with Jongdae when he’s around Baekhyun, which he assumed was because he has his own group of friends. So seeing him, given that he looks exactly like Jongdae, gives him a whiplash everytime. Because if he is to be completely honest (without ever telling Jongdae), Chen basically makes him think of what Jongdae would be like if he ever decided to be a fuckboy.

Okay maybe that’s a bit harsh.

But whilst Jongdae is all shy, eye smiles, sweater paws, mischievous nudges, whining, and soft laughter, Chen is all tempting smirks, winks, seductive eyeliner, leather, and deep chuckles. It’s jarring, because Chen is undoubtedly _ objectively _ attractive, especially considering that Baekhyun is so entirely drowning in feels for his twin brother. And it feels wrong to think that, but he knows where his heart lies either way. But maybe he avoids Chen as much as he can anyway.

“Chen,” Baekhyun returns a smile politely. “How are you?”

Chen is in a leather jacket, a DSLR camera around his neck. One of his arms is around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and he laughs that deep chuckle, and it sounds so different to Baekhyun from Jongdae’s, “I’m alright, photography can be a bitch though.”

“Ah,” Baekhyun nods, feeling a hint awkward. 

“You’ve been hanging out with Jongdae, huh?” His arm suddenly slips off Kyungsoo’s shoulders suddenly, and tuck into his leather jacket. He leans forward, looking curiously, but the smirk on his face is teasing and identical to Jongdae, “He seems to like you.”

Baekhyun tries not to read too much into that and swallows instead, “Yeah, we’ve been hanging out.”

“You better not hurt him, Baekhyun,” Chen’s face drops the smirk, becoming stern, and Baekhyun blinks at the change. “He doesn’t make friends very easily, and if he’s hurt, I promise you a world of pain.”

“Chen,” Kyungsoo’s voice is sharp, and Baekhyun’s eyes flash towards the way Kyungsoo grabs Chen’s forearm pointedly. 

“You wouldn’t tell him about this, would you?” Chen asked Baekhyun then, “See, he’s younger than me, and I have to look after him.” 

Baekhyun, understanding this is an older brother move, nods with a shrug. He has no doubt that Chen could land a punch, need be. Not that Baekhyun intends to hurt Jongdae anyway.

“Baekhyun might not tell him, but I will,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes, and Chen’s smirk is back as he pokes Kyungsoo in the stomach, “Aw, come on Kyungs. Don’t be like that, I’m just having a little fun.”

“Yeah, and Jongdae won’t like this,” Kyungsoo narrows his eyes. 

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun interrupts before the argument gets too serious. “It’s fine, really. I understand.”

Kyungsoo falls silent, but he exchanges a glance with Chen and then shrugs.

“Good,” Chen smiles then. “Well then - ”

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol’s voice calls from the side, and they all turn to see him running in their direction, bag flying behind him. He stops in surprise seeing the other two, and his jaw falls open as he mutters, “You - ”

“I’m Chen,” The other introduces then. “And this is Kyungsoo.”

“Chen is Jongdae’s twin,” Baekhyun inputs. Chanyeol’s yet to meet Jongdae (maybe he’s protecting Jongdae from the other, okay?). “And Kyungsoo’s Jongdae’s roommate.”

“I - I’m Chanyeol, Baekhyun’s roommate,” But Baekhyun’s unable to hold back his surprise when he sees that Chanyeol’s looking at Kyungsoo, cheeks red and not just from the running. It’s then that the link clicks. 

Chanyeol likes a  _ culinary major _ who’s always walking around with another guy - _ Kyungsoo _ being said culinary major, and Chen being said other guy. The irony really doesn’t fail to escape Baekhyun. 

“Nice to meet you,” Kyungsoo sends him a small smile, and the blush on Chanyeol’s face flares, much to Baekhyun’s amusement. Chen exchanges a pointed look with Baekhyun, clearly having caught on, and Chen masks his snickers behind a cough.

“Yeah, you too,” Chanyeol’s voice cracks, and Baekhyun literally has to bite his lips to stop the laughter from spilling out. Chanyeol turns to look at Baekhyun desperately, clearly asking for his help, but Baekhyun’s keen on letting him suffer for a bit longer, considering his teasing about Jongdae for the past weeks. It’s a delightful circle of karma.

Unfortunately, Chanyeol grabs onto Baekhyun’s arm, clearly trying to escape as he says, “Ah, we have to get going. Sorry we couldn’t hang out for longer.”

Never one to miss an opportunity to bully his best friend, Baekhyun turns to the other two, “Well, we’re heading for lunch. You could join us, if you like? We can invite Jongdae too.” Chanyeol pinches the skin on his arm discreetly but aggressively, and he knows that’s going to leave a bruise.

“Ah,” Kyungsoo is conflicted as he turns to look at Chen, and then back at Baekhyun apologetically, “Sorry Baekhyun. We have some plans already. Carry on, though? Maybe some other time.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” Baekhyun grins back easily. “I’m sure we’d love to.”

The two head off, Kyungsoo giving another classic nod and Chen sending them another wink as he walks away. As soon as they’re out of sight however, Baekhyun is physically assaulted by his best friend.

“Baekhyun!” He sounds petty-frustrated, and Baekhyun runs from his hands with an obnoxious cackle, “What?! You never told me you liked Kyungsoo!”

“How was I supposed to know you knew him?!” 

“Well you never told me his name, dumbass!”

That evening, as planned, Jongdae arrives on Baekhyun’s doorstep for another movie night. They’ve planned to watch ‘Brave’ today, since Baekhyun found out Jongdae’s never watched that movie and that’s something of an unbelievable feat. Baekhyun opens the door to a Jongdae in blue skinny jeans and a ridiculously cute looking pink sweatshirt. He looks comfy and cute and Baekhyun’s heart swells.

“Hi,” Jongdae’s head snaps up when the door opens and he speaks with a soft voice. 

Baekhyun leans against the door as he grins back, “Dae. Come in.”

Jongdae walks in, and that’s when Baekhyun notices the plastic bags in his hands. The other holds them up, looking a hint sheepish but proud as he says, “I brought us popcorn?”

“You’re an angel,” Baekhyun voices, grateful but he hadn’t exactly meant to word vomit that out so quickly. But Jongdae’s surprised blink and answering blush is more gratifying than anything.

Instead, Jongdae scurries past him and into the dorm, already comfortable in the place after so many visits. As Baekhyun begins to set up the TV, movie and couch area, Jongdae moves to the mini kitchen to get the popcorn going. Once Baekhyun’s done, he ventures over to the kitchen, attracted by the smell, to find Jongdae in front of the microwave with a yet-to-be-opened bag of popcorn.

Now see, the problem is that Baekhyun is a clingy little shit. And so he doesn’t even think twice when he steps into Jongdae’s personal space, a hand slipping onto his waist and chin resting on his shoulder as he sniffs at the popcorn with a, “That smells good.”

Like this, however, he can also smell Jongdae’s ever so cinnamon-like scent (Baekhyun wonders what cologne he uses, really) and not that it’s not familiar since they always sit pretty close during movie nights (the couch is small)...but like this, Baekhyun’s just so close to pulling the other into a hug and he’s so very tempted to.

But Jongdae stiffens the barest amount, before he relaxes in his grip and mumbles a soft, “Baekhyun.”

It sends shivers down Baekhyun’s spine.

Baekhyun hums, quieted, and Jongdae’s voice is tense with an emotion Baekhyun can’t place, “I need a bowl.”

Baekhyun blinks in surprise, and then moves away as he laughs to grab a bowl. As Jongdae fills in the bowl with popcorn, the doorbell rings. When Baekhyun goes to open the door, it’s his roommate, and Baekhyun blocks his entry with narrowed eyes, “What are you doing here?”

“This is my dorm too, asshole, move out of the way,” Chanyeol makes a face back. Baekhyun doesn’t budge, “Yah, I told you to stay out when Dae’s over.”

“Is this your roommate?” Jongdae’s voice calls from down the entry passageway, and when Baekhyun looks over his shoulder, he finds him with the popcorn bowl in hand. 

With a sigh, Baekhyun moves out of the doorway, and introduces the tower he calls his best friend, “Yeah, this is Park Chanyeol, my roommate and supposed best friend.”

“It’s about damn time we met!” Chanyeol says, altogether over the top as he steps into the house and bounds over to Jongdae. The entire reason Baekhyun had been hiding Jongdae from Chanyeol was this very reason - Chanyeol’s overbearing and it can be quite the overwhelming shock on first impression. And knowing Jongdae, he’s going curl in on himself, shy away - 

But Baekhyun watches in muted shock as instead, the smallest uncomfortable smile on Jongdae’s face disappears as he blinks, and then as Chanyeol approaches a smirk that looks shockingly exactly like Chen’s (...Baekhyun, what are you saying right now? They’re literally  _ twins _ ) appears on his face as he holds a hand out to Chanyeol, “Nice to meet you. Again.”

“Again?” Chanyeol raises an eyebrow.

“Just that Baekhyun’s told me so much about you,” Jongdae’s lips twitch. 

“Well, I’ll let you two have fun,” Chanyeol’s eyebrows do an irritatingly obvious up-and-down motion. “I’ll be leaving in a minute.”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, and looks back at Jongdae, who’s suddenly looking stressed, not meeting their eyes, arms folded across his chest. And as soon as Chanyeol’s out of the house, Baekhyun turns to him concerned, “Dae? Is everything okay? I know Chanyeol can be a bit - ”

“I just need to go to the washroom real quick,” He whispers and then locks himself in Baekhyun’s bathroom, leaving Baekhyun a confused and worried mess outside. 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do, what happened, and so he sits down on the sofa, and texts Chanyeol a bunch of hate texts. 

Jongdae returns maybe five long minutes later, and he sends Baekhyun a small reassuring smile.

“You okay?” Baekhyun asks, and Jongdae nods, “Yup, let’s just watch the movie.”

“I just - what happened back there, Dae?” He needs to know.

“Oh, it’s - I just felt a bit sick, is all. I’m fine,” He nods, and at Baekhyun’s frown, he hesitantly reaches out to grip his wrist, lightly running his thumb over the bump of his bone. “I’m okay now, really.”

“If you say so,” Baekhyun shrugs then, “But if it was Chanyeol, I’ll beat him up - ”

“Baek,” Jongdae’s laugh curls around his name. “Relax. Let’s watch the movie.”

It’s two weeks later that exam week starts to creep up on them. They still have an entire two weeks until then, but the pressure starts mounting earlier on. And whilst he definitely feels it, it seems to hit Jongdae way worse. The boy is starting to get dark circles under his eyes (which honestly is most of them), but his skin’s gotten paler, and he just seems far more tired. He brushes it off with the excuse of being fine and late nights, but it’s clearly not good for him. And then he starts disappearing on Baekhyun too, not really hanging out and preferring to study alone. He’s isolated himself, and Baekhyun wants to argue about this, but if that’s how he prefers to study, there’s really nothing Baekhyun can do about it. 

And then one week before the exams, over the weekend, Baekhyun answers the door to a distressed looking Jongdae, sweater hanging off his shoulders awkwardly. 

“Jongdae - ?” Baekhyun starts, but gets cut off, “Baekhyun, Jongdae needs help. Please come with me?”

“Wait, Chen?” Baekhyun asks confused, seeing zero leather, before the words settle in, and really, the alarm he feels instantly is incredible. He feels his heart rate increase in concern and he’s already moving to pull on the first shoes he can find as he follows Chen down the corridor. Chanyeol’s at home anyway, so he doesn’t bother locking the door behind him. “What’s going on?”

“You’ll see,” Chen frowns, the most serious Baekhyun’s ever seen him. “He...well, he won’t listen to anyone.”

“Not even you?” Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow.

There’s an odd edge to Chen’s voice as he answers, “Especially not me.” 

Baekhyun wonders what he’ll be able to do if Jongdae refuses to even listen to his brother, but he has to try. Whatever may be the problem. 

They arrive at Jongdae’s dorm, a whole three floors above Baekhyun’s, and Baekhyun realises that it’s his first time here. Chen has a key, and as soon as the door opens, Chen disappears into one of the bedrooms. Before Baekhyun can follow him, however, the other bedroom door opens, and Kyungsoo steps out with an equally deep frown.

“Baekhyun,” He sounds serious. “This is going to be strange for you. And I pray that this is something you will be mature about because this is something we’re all trusting you with and...it’ll really break Jongdae if something bad happens. He didn’t want you to find out soon but it can’t be helped right now. We all have tried all we could but Da - he won’t listen right now, and I just hope you’ll be able to get through to him.”

Baekhyun opens his mouth to ask the thousand questions in his mind, worries and thoughts running wild, but Kyungsoo's  frown deepens, “And one last thing, Baekhyun. One wrong move, and I promise this won’t end well.”

Right. 

Baekhyun has no idea what’s happened that so dramatic, nor what secret Jongdae’s been keeping from him. But it’s clearly something serious and he feels spikes of nervousness as Kyungsoo watches him approach Jongdae’s bedroom door. 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, and then twisting the doorknob, enters the room. The first thing that he realises is that the room is fucking dark. The blinds have been pulled shut, and the only light coming in is being filtered through the thick curtains. Jongdae has a series of books on shelves along the walls, purple bed covers, and fairy lights over the head of the bed.

But there’s no one inside.

“Chen?” Baekhyun calls a bit quietly, even more confused and hesitant. “Jongdae?”

He ventures a little more into the room, and sitting in front of the bed, back leaned against it is Chen, large purple blankets wrapped around him. He’s curled up, head on his knees. But there is starkly no Jongdae in the room and beyond anything Baekhyun is only confused.

“Chen?” Baekhyun asks again, and Chen’s head snaps up, eyes watering - and for once, he looks scared, terrified even. The fear in his eyes hits Baekhyun like a ton of bricks, and he doesn’t understand. The worry is starting to boil over until it’s like a burn across his skin that he can’t cool. “Chen, please, what’s going on?”

But at Baekhyun’s words, he shrinks even more, and now his body’s shuddering with the tears that are wracking his entire frame. The sounds are like needles in his chest, and he’s lost. Where’s Jongdae? And why is Chen, of all people crying?

He needs  _ answers _ , damn it all. 

Unsure of what to do (he and Chen are not close, after all), he places a hand on Chen’s shoulder, only for the other to flinch and in a soft voice unlike anything he’d heard from Chen before, “Go away.”

“But you asked me to come here - ” Baekhyun wants to be offended but he’s just more confused now. 

“Chen asked you to come here,” Chen sniffs, face hidden. “Not me, I don’t want you here, go away.”

_ I - what? _ Nothing is making sense.

“What are you talking about Chen?” Baekhyun demands, “You literally brought me here!”

“I’m not Chen!” He then says, and Baekhyun’s stunned into shocked silence before he swallows and says, “Okay, sorry, Dae, I didn’t mean to - ”

“I’m not Jongdae either!” He finally looks up, but seeing Baekhyun’s shock, his eyes water instantly and if Baekhyun had thought he’d been crying terribly before, he starts outright wailing now after whispering a broken, “ _ Oh no _ .” 

Baekhyun’s not going to lie. He’s entirely and completely confused, but seeing the other boy cry like this has him panic, and without missing a beat, he doesn’t care about the other’s reaction, he pulls him into a hug, “Hey, hey, calm down, it’s okay!”

The boy struggles, pushing at his shoulder, but Baekhyun keeps a firm grip on him, arms wrapped around the blanket cocoon and he pushes the boy’s head into the crook of his neck. The boy smells like Jongdae, which doesn’t alleviate his confusion any, but he’s more focused on trying to get the boy to stop struggling. 

He seems to eventually realise that Baekhyun’s not going to let go when he doesn’t budge at all, and he stills, almost frozen in his arms. Baekhyun runs a hand through the other’s hair in a comforting gesture as he feels tears seep into his sweatshirt, “Shh...it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.”

They stay like that for a long time, and when Baekhyun finally feels the tears recede, he almost feels like it’s wrong to ask but he needs to know, “Hey...wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Not really,” The other sniffs lowly. “Jongdae will get upset.”

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks softly. He’s not sure which brother he’s talking to right now, but he pushes on either way. “Why will he get upset?”

“You’re so nice to him, you know? And he likes you,” The boy’s voice shakes. “He likes you so, so much, Baekhyun. And he won’t be happy that Chen brought you here, he never wanted you to find out, not like this, not in this way - ” And the boy spirals into something indistinguishable and suddenly he’s shaking, gasping for breath and oh god, is he having a panic attack?

Baekhyun tries not to panic, swallowing, but he has no idea what to do. He releases the boy in hopes of giving him more freedom for oxygen and inhaling but the boy doesn’t even look like he realises Baekhyun’s let go of him. 

In a desperate move, in the way he remembers his teachers back in high school do to a boy who’d had a panic attack, he takes the boy’s hands and places them on his chest. Baekhyun’s own voice sounds strained as he tries not to sound panicked, “Hey, hey, follow my breaths, okay? Come on, follow me. Inhale.” He pauses but the boy is not listening. “Hey, trust me, okay? Come on, inhale.” He pauses again, watching the boy inhale sharply. “Good, exactly like that. Now, exhale. Slowly, come on, with me. Inhale...”

Eventually, the boy’s breathing evens out, and he collapses forward into Baekhyun’s chest, fast asleep. Baekhyun’s heart is hammering in his chest, terrified and unprepared. He doesn’t know what to do, what’s happening, but the concern he feels has sky-rocketed through the roof. 

He looks down at the boy resting on his chest and then swallows, rising slowly to his feet and setting him in Jongdae’s bed. The boy curls up on his own, but Baekhyun grabs the covers off the floor and tucks him into them nonetheless, and then sinks to his knees next to the bed, unable to stand any longer.

What had just happened?

And who was this boy? Chen? Jongdae? Someone else entirely?

He’d mentioned both Jongdae and Chen like they were two different people from him altogether but then who was he? 

“Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo’s voice comes quietly from the doorway then, and Baekhyun’s head snaps to the side in surprise. “Is he asleep?”

Baekhyun spares a glance at the lump on the bed, and then nods silently. 

Kyungsoo’s eyes are a bit pitying, and then he offers, “Wanna talk?”

Without another word, Baekhyun rises to his feet. His legs feel weak but he makes his way out of the room nonetheless after looking back at the boy on the bed. 

Kyungsoo leads him past the small living room area and to the kitchenette, where there’s a small circular dining table. He gestures for Baekhyun to take a seat, and then walks over to the kitchenette asking, “Coffee or tea?”

“Uh, coffee, please,” Baekhyun feels awkward as he sits down at the table, the wood cool under his hands.

It’s silent as Kyungsoo makes him a coffee, and tea for himself, and Baekhyun lightly drums his fingers on the table. The questions have been lingering in his mind since he arrived, but it feels wrong to interrupt the silence. The scent of coffee wafting through the room is comforting, in the very least.

Finally, _ finally _ , Kyungsoo takes a seat at the table, pushing his coffee mug towards Baekhyun. He takes a sip of his tea, and then after he places it down, he rests his elbows on the table and asks Baekhyun, “You must be wondering what happened, huh?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun nods, coffee left untouched.

“Jongdae has DID,” Kyungsoo tells him outright. But at Baekhyun’s confused expression, he elaborates, “Dissociative Identity Disorder? It used to be called Multiple Personality disorder before, but yeah. Jongdae has it.”

...It’s  _ enlightening _ , really. It makes sense now; all of the questions Baekhyun has. But this revelation just springs a different batch of questions. 

And then it hits. “So Chen is - ?”

“Ah, yes,” Kyungsoo takes another sip. “One of his alters.”

“Another one?” Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrow. “How many - wait, what are alters?”

“Alters are the other personalities, really,” Kyungsoo explains. “People with DID have many alters, but Jongdae has two: Chen and Dajung.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline, “So that one right now was…?”

“Dajung,” Kyungsoo nods. “Jongdae’s really the best one to explain all of this to you, but I can tell you a little about all of them.”

“Please do,” Baekhyun nods. He wants to understand, more than anything.

“Well, there’s Chen and he’s twenty. And well, he’s Chinese-Korean so that’s why he speaks Mandarin. Since he’s older than Jongdae, he takes care of him a lot. He kind of acts like the big brother to both Jongdae and Dajung, really. You’ve seen what he’s like right? Confident, charming - ” At Baekhyun’s nod, he shrugs, “He’s something of a shield for Jongdae. Always his protector.”

“Makes sense,” Baekhyun sighs. “And Dajung?”

“Dajung is younger than Dae, eighteen. He’s somewhat like a younger brother to both of them. He’s really, really shy. Like Jongdae is social in comparison to him...so he rarely ever, you know...well, Jongdae calls it ‘coming to the front’. He’s prone to panic attacks, and anxiety but well, during times of stress, he usually takes over against Jongdae or Chen’s will. But he’s a sweetheart, honestly, wise and just really sad.”

It’s fascinating, Baekhyun thinks, the way Kyungsoo talks about the alters. And he doesn’t mean to make it sound like it’s an exhibit, because that’s definitely not how he sees it, but it’s a foreign concept to him, so beyond how the disorder is so grossly projected usually. 

“How...why does this happen?” Baekhyun asks then, staring down into his coffee, still untouched. It’s probably getting cold.

“It’s usually some form of extreme abuse in childhood,” Kyungsoo says, eyes dark, and Baekhyun’s heart drops, hurts for Jongdae. “Jongdae doesn’t have any memories of it, of course...and neither does Chen. But Dajung knows. He remembers everything, and he refuses to speak a word of it. He says it’s too painful and he’d never share it with Jongdae if it were up to him.” Kyungsoo’s eyes are sad as he adds, “It’s why he has panic attacks, why he’s so closed up.”

It’s only when Baekhyun feels a tear land on the back of his palm that he realises he’s crying, and he quickly raises his hand to wipe his tears away. He feels incredibly sad, for Jongdae, for what’s happened. 

“Chen and Jongdae have been alternating consciousness last week to study for finals,” Kyungsoo reveals after a silence. “But Dajung...stressed out over it too, I think. And ideally that meant Jongdae should have been sleeping, but Dajung’s been keeping him and Chen awake and well he’s been panicking - it’s been a difficult week. Right now, he pretty much forced them out and has been crying all morning. Chen managed to get control for a while to come and get you, I guess, because Jongdae wouldn’t have.”

“Jongdae didn’t want me to know,” Baekhyun murmurs. 

Kyungsoo’s eyes are sharp, “Not many people understand what he goes through, Baekhyun. He was scared of what you would think. I hope you understand this.”

“There’s nothing to think, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun returns, the glint in his eyes determined. “Jongdae is Jongdae, no matter what. And those alters are a part of him just as much, and that is  _ absolutely _ fine. He’ll be my friend no matter what changes.”

Kyungsoo eyes Baekhyun carefully, before he gives a single nod. “Then I’m glad to hear it.” 

Baekhyun finally takes a sip of his coffee. It’s lukewarm, but he doesn’t care.

It’s hours later that the two hear the door to Jongdae’s room open again. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo have been in a quiet silence on their phones this entire time. Baekhyun figured that all of his other questions should be asked to Jongdae, instead of behind his back like this, and Kyungsoo eventually got up to make some form of dinner. 

Baekhyun looks over his shoulder when a figure arrives and stands in the entrance of the kitchenette area near the dining table. It’s Jongdae, (or maybe one of his alters; Baekhyun’s really not sure) rightly looking like he had just woken up from a nap and bed hair a mess.

“Chen,” Kyungsoo greets softly, and Baekhyun wonders how he worked it out, but then he finds Chen’s sharp gaze fixed on him and thinks,  _ oh _ . 

“Kyungsoo,” Chen greets back, and now that Baekhyun knows,  _ notices _ , he realises that Chen’s voice is deeper than Jongdae’s, has the  _ smallest _ lilt of a foreign accent, and has never refrained from meeting anyone’s gaze without a hint of confidence even when he looks tired. “What’s for dinner?”

“I was thinking Dajung’s favourite?” Kyungsoo offers, and Chen hums, nodding in approval as he takes a seat right across Baekhyun. 

“Baekhyun,” He says now, and it feels like an altogether new experience. Baekhyun wonders if he’s being weird, if he’s putting too much thought into this. “Thank you for coming when I asked. I know you don’t have much time but - ”

“Anything for Jongdae,” He cuts him off before he can stop himself, really. And so he tacks on, “It was the least I could do when you came running.”

“Yes,” Chen nods again, and his eyes glimmer as he adds, “But you didn’t need to stay.”

Baekhyun pauses, and then smiles softly as he answers back, “Of course, I did.”

“Do you think it’s weird?” He raises an eyebrow then, and Baekhyun infers that this is an interrogation. 

“No,” Baekhyun shakes his head honestly. “There’s a lot I still don’t understand. I know this. And I hope Jongdae will explain it to me. But I accept it as it is, Chen. I wouldn’t ever think it’s weird. Jongdae is precious as he is.”

“Thank you,” Chen smiles for the first time, and he looks so much like Jongdae in that moment, Baekhyun wants to hug him. He doesn’t understand how alters are different, honestly, but it feels wrong to embrace him when it’s Jongdae he wants to embrace, and he’ll wait till he understands the difference. “I’m protective of them both, you see. I only want what’s best for them.”

“Are they...aware of our conversation right now?” Baekhyun asks nervously, realising now that Jongdae may have just heard everything he said. “How does it all work?”

Chen winks, much to Baekhyun’s distress, “I’ll leave that for Jongdae to explain to you.”

* * *

Jongdae, much to Baekhyun’s frustration, avoids the hell out of him. 

Baekhyun respects that Jongdae needs space to deal what happened on Saturday. But his patience is running out and he just really wants to talk to the other. He’s not sure what Jongdae’s thinking, and maybe it hurts that there are no cat messages in the morning, despite Baekhyun’s barraging him of messages.

Jongdae, by some miracle, also manages to avoid him during quantum course’s exam. Baekhyun is an idiot, so he wakes up late and gets into the exam hall moments before the time to start, and Jongdae’s done and out before most of them. So much for catching him then.

It feels wrong to invade Jongdae’s dorm but honestly at this point, he’s so close to doing exactly that. 

But maybe luck is still on Baekhyun’s side, because it’s once again Chen that appears on his doorstep.

Okay, maybe he’s initially disappointed that Chen appeared at the door and not Jongdae himself, but he supposes this is close enough. 

He invites Chen in, wondering why the other is here, and Chen sends him a mischievous grin echoing Jongdae’s. 

“I’m here to force Jongdae to talk to you,” Chen explains gleefully, and Baekhyun deadpans,  _ “What.” _

The grin on Chen’s face is positively evil now. 

“See, the thing is, Jongdae has a huge cr - ” And then Chen falls silent, blinking, before a small hesitant smile appears on his face. The voice that then speaks is so much more familiar, softer and it makes Baekhyun’s insides warm with happiness, “Hi, Baek.”

“Hi, Dae,” Baekhyun can’t help the stupid grin that climbs on his face. And then he realises he’s finally talking to Jongdae after literally  _ days _ of radio silence. 

“So,” Dae’s fiddling with the thin leather bracelets on his wrists. He clears his throat awkwardly, “You have questions for me?”

“Uh yes,” Baekhyun hold his hand up. “First of all, how could you ignore me?! I thought we were best friends!”

“That’s Kyungsoo, actually,” But there’s a semblance of a relieved smile on Jongdae’s face that makes the rejection worth it. “But I...thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”

“I’ve been sending you messages all week,” Baekhyun stares at him.

“I never said I made sense, okay?” He has the audacity to be cute even when he’s sheepish and it’s really messing with Baekhyun’s plan to be stern. His cheeks puff up as he meets Baekhyun’s gaze, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for ignoring you, alright?”

“Thank you,” Baekhyun nods, sniffing. And then turning serious, he tells Jongdae, “I understand why you didn’t tell me, Dae. And I don’t think of you any less for it...I actually did some research since I found out.”

Jongdae’s eyes glimmer, “Really?”

Baekhyun smiles, “Of course I did, you’re my friend, Dae!” He looks at him sideways then, “But I would have liked to get that information first-hand.”

“Okay, okay,” Jongdae laughs, and Baekhyun’s so, so glad he’s here and happy. “I get it, I’m sorry.”

“So, I do want to understand this from your side,” Baekhyun emphasises.. 

Jongdae sighs, “Well, honestly, DID happens due to some form of intense abuse in your childhood. I know my mother died when I was two, and my father was an alcoholic. He was abusive, emotionally, physically...and it went on until he died in a drunk driving accident when I was six? And then I was in foster care but the first place I was in was really bad. Of course, I don’t remember any of the abuse itself, but it’s why I have this in the first place.”

“I’m sorry, Jongdae,” Baekhyun reaches forward hesitantly, taking Jongdae’s hand in his. 

“It’s fine,” Jongdae shrugs. “It’s in the past mostly, but I’ve had my alters for a while now. A couple years, actually.”

“Yeah?” Baekhyun prompts, playing with Jongdae’s fingers.

“So, an alter is basically like another consciousness in your head? They have their own personality, identity - we share the same physical body obviously, but mentally they all look different; they  _ are _ different. They're different people altogether.”

“And how does the whole...uh, controlling the body thing work?” Baekhyun asks, curious. 

“Honestly, well, there’s a metaphor a lot of people with this disorder use,” Jongdae tilts his head a bit. “Uh, like being in a car. The body’s the car. And the person in control is the driver. Most of the time, that’s me. Then, I can be co-conscious, I guess...which is when I’m in control but another alter is also aware of what’s going on around us. Like Chen right now. He’s listening and keeping an eye on you.”

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. “So what happens when you aren’t in control?”

“Well, if Chen or Dajung is in control, I might be in the passenger seat, or in the backseat. At that point I’m aware of what’s happening but can’t do anything about it. That's also being co-conscious. And then I might be semi-conscious, like I’m asleep in the car but can wake up at a moment’s notice. Different senses can be active and then not; like sometimes I might only be able to hear stuff but can’t see, as if you’re actually sleeping." At Baekhyun's wide eyes, his lips twitch, "And finally there’s the example of being like, blindfolded and ear-plugged and asleep in the trunk, so you’re completely unaware of what’s going on with your body.”

“That’s...cool,” Baekhyun voices after a beat. And it is for the most part. But he’s sure it’s also terrifying, with the possibility of waking up one day in an unknown place with no idea how you got there.

“Well that depends, really,” Jongdae’s smile is strange, one that comes only from experience of what it is to have both its advantages and disadvantages. “It was terrifying the first time I met Chen because I’d been completely semi-conscious.”

“Yeah?” Baekhyun asks, grinning.

“This guy tried picking on me in high school for being adopted,” Jongdae chuckled. “I was fourteen, and well, I dissociated and remember feeling angry but not understanding why. It felt like my body was on autopilot when I got into an aggressive fight with the guy. A day later, Chen finally introduced himself to me and apologised, saying that he had to, and that’s when I knew he had to go get help or something because I didn’t understand what was happening and I pretty much panicked.”

“Well, you’re brave in my eyes,” Baekhyun nods, and Jongdae looks down at their intertwined hands, cheeks red with a sheepish chuckle. 

“Dajung…” Jongdae starts, refusing to look at Baekhyun. “I met a little later in high school too. Close to the end of the sophomore year exams when I was sixteen, I started to get stressed and felt dissociated, but it wasn’t Chen who was responsible for it. I experienced my first panic attack then. Dajung introduced himself and apologised, which honestly looks like a trend with my alters at this point. But both Chen and I just adopted him, pretty much.”

It falls silent after that as Baekhyun lets the new information sink in. Jongdae is adamantly looking away, determined to play with their joined hands (not that Baekhyun's complaining).

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun says finally after a beat. 

He looks up from their fingers, and Baekhyun meets him with a serious gaze, “I hope you know that I don’t think of you any differently for this. You’re so brave for dealing with what you’re going through, and I - ”

And before Baekhyun knows what’s happening, what’s  _ happened _ , Jongdae’s leaned forward and placed a kiss on Baekhyun’s lips. It’s barely there, the ghost of soft lips lingering on Baekhyun’s, but it’s enough to silence him, enough to make his heart combust and his brain stop functioning completely. Baekhyun can't even register it, much less enjoy it, before Jongdae's moved away from him again.

“You’re such a good person, Baekhyun,” Jongdae says when he’s pulled back. He wipes the back of his palms against his eyes, and the way he looks at Baekhyun is so full of love, so reverent. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you but...I - I like you. A lot. And I hope you’ll let me stay by your side.”

“Jongdae, are you kidding me?” Baekhyun holds back a crazed laugh, giddy on emotions and all that endorphin chemical bullshit he doesn't understand. And honestly, Baekhyun really needs to learn to say the right thing at the right time because Jongdae's face is  _ crumbling _ and it's going to be his fault if he doesn't speak  _ right now _ . “I hope  _ you’ll _ let me stay by your side! Hell, I don’t deserve you at all. You don’t understand how precious you are, do you?” He grips Jongdae’s hands tighter. “God, Dae, you’re so beautiful. I don’t understand how you don’t see it.”

“Stop,” He’s blushing, looking away before the prettiest smile appears on his face. “Chen’s been wanting me to confess forever, you know? And Dajung likes you too.”

Baekhyun blinks in realization. “Oh, wait, how does this work? With your alters and all?”

“ What does?” Jongdae has this glint in his eyes, mischief reigning as he bullies Baekhyun.

“You know!” Baekhyun makes a face, gesturing wildly about as his neck heats with a flush. Why does he let Jongdae do this to him, really?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He turns his nose up at Baekhyun, that smile containing his laughter and he’s gorgeous. 

How had Baekhyun been able to hold back all this time? He really should have said something sooner.

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun starts, doesn’t wait for Jongdae to snap out of his laughter. He's blunt, direct and hopes to get his message across like Jongdae wouldn't understand that he just wants to wrap him in a blanket and cuddle him to the ends of the world. “I really like you, and I hope you’ll agree to be my boyfriend.”

There's another pause as Jongdae takes in Baekhyun's words. And when he does, Bakhyun thinks,  _ yeah, it was worth the wait _ .

“Of course I will,” Jongdae’s eyes are watering again, and god, when he pulls Baekhyun in for another kiss, Baekhyun feels the embers burn deep in his chest. He feels the warmth radiating from the other and it reminds him of a place of comfort, belonging. The cinnamon scent washes over him, and overwhelms Baekhyun's senses and he can finally feel what he missed in the last kiss. Jongdae’s hand comes up to grip softly at his face, other resting lightly on his shoulder and  he feels so, so incredible. When he pulls back, he’s shining, eyes glowing with happiness. “I like you a lot too, Baek.”

“So, boyfriend,” Baekhyun nuzzles his head into the crook of Jongdae’s neck. “How do we do this with your alters and all?”

“Well, all personal dates and others will involve them being thrown in the trunk,” He hears Jongdae chuckle. “So we’re in the clear.”

“Yeah, but let’s not be too gross, please,” Baekhyun hears the smallest change in voice and accent suddenly, and he sits up in surprise. “Chen?”

“Yeah,” He smirks. “And just so you know, I won’t tolerate you breaking his heart so if you do, I promise you, I’ll punch you hard enough to hurt for the next year.”

“Noted,” Baekhyun coughs as he pulls back from Chen’s body a bit, putting some distance between them.

“Well that’s all I wanted to say, so yeah, bye,” Chen waves and then disappears. 

Baekhyun tries hesitantly, “Jongdae?”

“Yup,” Jongdae replies, rubbing his forehead. “Yeah, sorry about that. Chen can be a bit extra like that." As he notices Baekhyun eyeing him, he waves off Baekhyun's concern, "Shifts can be pretty difficult sometimes. It's disorienting. I'm alright."

“Well anyway, Chen’s cool,” Baekhyun shrugs. “He got you to meet me, didn’t he?”

“I guess so,” Jongdae grinned. “You know he basically forced me to take control because he was about to confess my feelings for you.”

“Good man,” Baekhyun laughs in approval, earning himself a slap on the shoulder. 

Baekhyun turns back to look at the man in front of him, soft and full of love, and Baekhyun is just so gone for him, it’s not even funny. 

So he stands and offers Jongdae a hand, “Come on, let me take you on a date.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone enjoyed this fic, and I hope to write more in this universe as a series of short fics (?), exploring the other alters and characters too. 
> 
> As stated in my fore-note, if there is anything I should change in terms of portrayal, please let me know. I only want to show DID in a positive light, as it deserves, because whilst it's hard, there are people with this that are happy too.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> Miche xx


End file.
